4 Freelance Friday: Dear Amazing Race Contestants

Dear Amazing Race Contestants,

From South America to Europe...and more Europe...and more Europe...you might have one of the cushiest seasons of the Amazing Race so far. But though surrounded by Western culture and English speakers everywhere, you still manage to get lost, ignore clues, and get lost again. It's possible you have the lowest average IQ of all Amazing Race casts. But it doesn't matter; every Sunday night at 8pm I am glued to the TV to see what you do next.
Jet and Cord - Wearing your cowboy hats for all challenges and at all times, even when it means looking absurd with them covered in shower caps, is utterly charming. And every time you say, "Oh my gravy!" I love you a little bit more. Please get your swagger back soon.

Carol and Brandy - You might just have what it takes to be the first female team to win the Amazing Race (finally!) Especially now that the producers seem to have realized that it's not exactly fair to make all the detours about brute strength. But your bickering also has the potential to turn into a classic Amazing Race relationship meltdown. Keep it together.

Brent and Caite - I'm not sure how you've avoided being last to the mat yet, and when you do I'm confident it will end up being a "pre-determined" non-elimination round. [cough, cough, *comedic effect*] But between being whiny babies and going to the hospital when you were dehydrated and saying things like "I hate the lesbians", you may be the least sympathetic team in Amazing Race history. Models? Model idiots.

Steve and Allie - YES! Duct tape makes its first major Amazing Race appearance! Thank you Steve's wife for packing his backpack and showing the world how amazing that sticky silver product is! And thank you for painting the interior of that random house in Valparaiso...I'm sure those Chilean painters are, like me, laughing about that to this day.

Louie and Michael - I am not charmed by your rough and tumble detective charm. Enough winning.

Dan and Jordan - I'm still perplexed by Jordan's proclamation (or was it Dan? I still can't tell them apart) that he doesn't like traveling. Um....you know this is the Amazing Race, right? That you signed up to spend a month living out of your backpack performing crazy shenanigans all over the globe? Wrong CBS show: Big Brother doesn't start up again until the summer.

And major props to you, Phil, for keeping a straight face when these teams roll into the pit stop with trashed cars, without completing tasks, and not being able to count the number of fingers you're holding up. Or rather a Phil face. I love how the cocked eyebrow and curved lips says "polite" and "they do not pay me enough to deal with these ridiculous people" at the same time.

Sincerely,
Katrina

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